The Chez Strange Report
or, Let's Put on a Show in a Barn!
October 6, 2003
By Linda
If you live in a Tiny Town near an Interstate highway that's somewhere along the
Red Elvises' tour route, it is possible to get them to play there. I know, because
we just did it! Granted, we live in unusual circumstances, we're middle-aged, and
we're obsessed, but everyone has their own resources and advantages; your methods
might be different, but no less effective. If you pay them, they will play.
We signed a contract and promised them money, and then set about finding a
venue, which is totally backwards, but it worked out fine. The local Eagles lodge
wanted too much rent for their banquet room, and they wouldn't sell drinks to non-members,
so that was out. But JR's, a local bar & grill that frequently has live music on
weekends, was willing to take a chance on a Monday night show, as long as all they
had to do was hang some posters and put on extra staff for that night.
Ron designed tickets, flyers, and small posters; he had them printed, and he
distributed them all over town, including on the windshields of cars at high school
games. We pressed our friends and family into selling advance tickets to their friends,
and we sold a few to our friends from out-of-town, but, even though tickets were $8
advance and $10 the night of the show and at the door, we found out that a lot of people
would rather pay the two extra bucks than commit themselves beforehand. Eek! We didn't
know how many people would be there, and it was nerve-wracking. Ron also notified the
area newspapers about our upcoming event; after playing "phone tag" for a couple weeks,
a reporter from the Bowling Green paper did a telephone interview with me, which resulted
in a very nice article in the "Arts & Entertainment" section on the Friday before the show.
And we made a custom 8' banner to hang outside the club a few days ahead of time.
Of course, we've been spreading the word about what a great band the RE are for
several years; I write a bi-weekly column for the North Baltimore News, and have mentioned
the RE many times. The weeks before the show were no different, even though the column
that would have been in the paper the week before the show got "bumped," and I was quite
annoyed. (The paper made up for that the week after the show, when it ran a front-page
photo of the Big Red Van, to accompany my column on page two.) We have friends who are
in bands and who own PA and recording equipment, and they, having seen the RE last year
when they played in Toledo, were happy to loan us their equipment and services. Loose
Cannons, the opening local band, played for free; they plan to "cover" some Red Elvises
songs in the near future.
Did anyone notice that I mentioned recording equipment? The big, big news: in a
month or two, there will be an official, RE-sanctioned "bootleg" recording of "Red Elvises,
Live at JR's in North Baltimore, OH" (!!!!!) Early, un-scientific polling of fellow fans
has indicated that people want to hear the entire show, even if it runs to two disks; these
will be CDR copies, but I've heard some of the rough mix, and it sounds great. Watch the
Red Pages and the discussion list for further details!
Of the current line-up, only Oleg had spent the entire night at Chez Strange (our
place) before; Igor took a nap here last year, but he's allergic to cats, and so is Schramm,
and we have nine cats and a Hell Hound. There's a motel on the edge of town, but Igor told
Ron not to worry about reservations, they'd work it out when they got here. We spent a few
weeks cleaning the house, sprucing up the Red Room with goodies that Ron had collected while
on tour with the RE last spring, wrangling the downstairs into sociable order, and cramming
all the accumulated crap that covered the dining table, library sofa, and guest room beds
into boxes and stashing it somewhere out of the way. The guest rooms are feline-free zones,
so I vacuumed and hoped for the best.
I needn't have worried so much; after a few weeks of sharing hotel rooms, I think
the guys were so happy to each have a room to themselves that they didn't notice much else.
Igor kept asking, in disbelief, "you have room for us all?" Sure! Besides the Reds, Willie
(Redfreak) from Chicago drove in for the show, and another friend from out-of-town spent the
night, too; they were relegated to the living room and library sofas. (Willie, thanks again
for sharing with the cats, so Leigh didn't suffocate on allergens.)
Somewhere, years ago in the archives, Oleg said "soup is good." Ever since, I've
wanted to make soup for the RE, because a nice thick bean soup is one of the things I do
well. Be careful what you wish for, because you might get it! I started cooking two days
ahead of time, while Ron made several trips to the grocery store as we thought of other
things we might need, like tea, fresh lemons, honey, a veggie tray, spray cheese, crackers,
hummus and pita bread, the makings for breakfast burritos, etc. I put a chicken and
vegetables into the oven to roast on Monday, hoping that the time it finished cooking and
the time the RE rolled into town would be fairly close together.
Ron was over at the club (walking distance from our place, just across some very
busy railroad tracks) getting all the equipment hooked up and tested, making sure the opening
band was set up, and whatever other mysterious technical details he was taking care of. I
was watching the clock and looking out the window, waiting to hear from the RE, running the
sweeper, braiding my hair, and doing all sorts of last-minute tidying up and fretting.
Finally, the phone! It was Oleg, saying they'd be here in about twenty minutes. Five
minutes later, the phone rang again: Willie would be here in a half-hour.
As it turned out, Ron spotted Big Red just as the guys pulled up to the stop sign
at our corner, so he waved them over to the club and they unloaded before coming over to
our place to eat. A quick dinner for six, with interruptions, and me jumping up and down
from the table so often that Schramm finally said, "Linda, sit down, relax, breathe, eat;
we're fine!" Adam really liked the soup, and went back for seconds. Whew, good, everybody
liked the food..........they aren't picky eaters, I know, but it's different when I'm the
one that cooked it.
The vague plan in our minds had been that they'd be here early enough that Ron could
join us for dinner, and we'd feed them and then all head over to the club before the opening
band started, so I could mind the door and take the tickets, but we were a bit behind
schedule. Ron was still at the club (he never did get a chance to eat, until after the
show!), the starting act was playing, and Ron's mom got stuck being "door person" until I
got there. It all worked out okay, though; the guys finished eating in time to wander over
to the club and see part of the opening act (this was important to Loose Cannons) while I
dashed around, cleared the table and put food away so the cats didn't get it, changed into
"show clothes," gathered all my gear (RE pencils, tickets, money, camera, Atomic Fireball
candies, a RE shirt for Ron to wear, etc.) and then hotfooted it over to the club a few
minutes behind Willie, who was going to videotape the show.
Yikes! Guess who ended up being "merch bitch" as well as taking tickets and money at
the door? I really didn't see much of the show, because I was trying to make change and
keep the money (ours and theirs) straight and in different pockets, while keeping an eye on
the table and digging in the red floral suitcase for requested sizes of T-shirts (no one
knows what's really in there, and, no matter how many shirts leave the suitcase, and how neat
you try to keep it, it seems to expand.....see photos for the "joint effort" of zipping it
shut.) I asked my niece Erika to be my assistant "Pencil Fairy," so she circled the club,
handing out RE pencils and Atomic Fireballs.
The band played, people danced, everyone had a good time, and the club's owners were
very happy about it all, so much so that they have promised to do a bunch of promotion if we
can get RE to play here again. The entire range of North Baltimore society was represented
at the show, from folks who go to the Toledo Symphony with my mother-in-law, local businessmen
(ever see a 50-something insurance agent do the dirty boogie?), factory workers, and rock
fans of all ages. A lot of our friends from out of town made a special trip, so arts
administrators and college professors will be spreading the Red word. A dozen people we'd
never met before, from Lima, fifty miles south, rented a 12-person van so they could come,
all because of a flyer one of them had seen! The guys were great with the crowd, as always,
and the number of times they said "give it up for Ron and Linda, who brought us here!" was
almost embarrassing.
There was, of course, an "after party," back at our place. The show had started at
7pm, with the RE onstage shortly after 8pm, because you need an early show to get folks to
come out on a worknight. We got back home a bit after 11pm; Oleg threw a load of laundry
into the washer while I fetched some chilled Stoli and heated up some chicken for Igor (he
eats lightly before shows, but is always hungry after) and Ron herded all the folks who'd
settled in the front room down to the Red Room, so Igor could dine in peace and I could take
a breather and finally drink some scotch. After food and some socializing, Igor retired to
his room; when Adam started to fade, we led everyone to the downstairs party room so the Red
Room could be shut down and Adam could crash out.
>From here on, the night is a little fuzzy for me, except for the part where Schramm
took over our broken piano and made it sound like it never has before. The piano has a
cracked sounding/tuning board, and we got it for free by hauling it up from the half-basement
at the Catholic church and rolling it several blocks down Main Street one Saturday evening,
on Ron's 40th birthday a few years ago. (That's why we call it the Piano-40, get it?)
Schramm ran a few scales, to find out where the bad keys were, and from then on he just
avoided those keys, and boogied down. Next time, we'll have recording equipment set up all
over the house, as well as at the show. Oleg transferred the tapes from the show into his
computer; there were about seven different conversations going on at once, with members of
Loose Cannons and various other guests, and we all finally got to bed around 5am.
People began to surface around noon on Tuesday; Ron made a big batch of breakfast
burritos, Oleg ate and then laid back down for a nap, Willie and my friend Leigh headed out
for their homes, Ron and Adam went over to look at the recording studio that Ron and our
friend Shawn B. are building across the street behind Shawn's computer repair shop, Igor woke
up, ate, started some laundry and went online to do some RE business, and Schramm and I walked
up the alley to the post office so he could pay some bills. It was a lovely fall day, even
though the night before had been a bit too chilly for us to entertain outdoors in "Cafe Ron,"
our patio where there's an outdoor fireplace, which would have been less crowded than the Red
Room............maybe next year.
After autographing a wall of the Red Room and a final photo op with Shawn, the guys
loaded into Big Red and set out for Cleveland at around 5pm. We would have liked to have
hopped into Harriet and followed them, but we went inside and tidied up a bit and then
collapsed, instead. It was a lot of work and stress to pull off a successful show in our
small town, but the Red Elvises more than did their part, and we were happy to have done
ours. Now that many folks in town have seen and enjoyed the RE, next year we might be able
to get other people and businesses to provide the initial sponsorship; as it was, we came
within a hair of breaking even on ticket sales, and the promotional printing and grocery
bills weren't bad at all. Three and a half years after we first saw them in Six-String
Samurai, the Red Elvises had played in our town! We deserved to rest, happily; besides,
they were going to be playing in Columbus on Wednesday, and would we feel like going to
the show? Tune in next month for the answer........
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