Red Road Trip: Justice League, San Francisco, CA
June 9, 2001
By Kayt

There must be something about the Justice League that inspires mega-talented, good looking Russian men to take off their clothes…NOT that I’m complaining, that is…but wait, I’m getting ahead of my story, at the risk of being a terrible tease! You’ll just have to wait for it - I’ll get there in a few minutes!

My traveling companion and I started driving north early on the morning of June 9^th. First stop, breakfast at IHOP in Valencia, only about a 20 minute drive from our home. Later on, up the 5 Freeway, we passed what I’ve been referring to for two years (since the last time I drove to San Francisco) as The Field of Very Smelly Cows, which was still quite a sight – hundreds and hundreds of cows standing EVERYWHERE in an enormous hilly, grassless (what do they eat??) field – except that this time they weren’t smelly at all. Actually that was a nice relief. Across to the 101 Freeway via Road 152, after a brief detour, we approached Gilroy, the garlic capital of the free world and home of the annual Gilroy Garlic Festival that Red Elvises usually play when they’re not in Russia during that time. I had almost been looking forward to the overpowering scent of garlic (I’m weird that way), but for some reason, much like the (Formerly) Very Smelly Cows, I could detect no smell of garlic in the air. Maybe the wind was blowing the wrong way, or maybe the scent is just not strong during the second weekend in June…who knows. Anyway, we finally made it to San Francisco and worked our way across the city to our hotel, since I had apparently missed some vital exit or was in the wrong lane at the wrong time and ended up way east and south of where we expected to arrive. But eventually we found our way to the conveniently located Metro Hotel.

After checking in (umm, big comfy beds and high ceilings) and venturing downstairs to have a rather lengthier than desired conversation with the woman at the front desk on the subject of whether we should drive or take a cab to Fisherman’s Wharf, we decided on driving. Her estimate of a possible 40-minute to an hour wait for a cab was just too long. The reason this was even an issue is that I had triumphed in finding an actual free legal parking space on the street near the hotel and wasn’t sure I should risk losing it. That’s the main fact you have to know about San Francisco, should you ever consider driving there for a Red Elvises show (or, I suppose, for any other reason) - the extreme scarcity of free, legal parking. San Franciscans seem to almost take pride in this fact; I’ve been told that many local residents don’t even own cars for that very reason, yet there are cars, a.k.a. large expensive paperweights, parked everywhere along the streets, even in some spots, such as driveways and white curbs, that in Los Angeles would get you a ticket faster than crap through a goose from the ever-buzzing Parking Enforcement vultures. Yet, the word is that "most people don’t bring cars here!" So who owns and/or drives all those parked cars? It’s a mystery, to be sure. We also got a full education from this same Front Desk Woman, including illustration by map, on How to Take the Bus To and From Fisherman’s Wharf …a hard but unsuccessful sell to my L.A. car-driving heart. So to complete our nice afternoon we drove up there and back, navigating with our San Francisco city map, and all went well. Bubba Gump’s Shrimp Restaurant, by the way, rocks for a great meal, if you’re ever in San Francisco, especially if you get a table by the window with the great view of the water and Alcatraz island like we did.

On the way back to the hotel we drove down Divisadero past The Justice League so I could make sure of exactly where it was, and saw the Redmobile already parked out front. Seeing that van when you don’t really expect to see it is always exciting…I remember being passed by it while driving down a major street in Florida last year, and my mother, traveling companion on that trip, actually accused me of being "giddy!" Can you believe it? Anyway, three blocks farther down the street was our hotel, which was a major reason I had chosen it - avoidance of some extra parking stress. I got lucky again in finding legal street parking and we went upstairs so I could start getting ready to go to the show.

My shoes, although nice enough in my opinion (red faux leather snakeskin across the foot), were not made for walking, but I made it up the street to the Justice League safely, and rather slowly, anyway. When I got near the club the famous big red van with the friendly yellow letters was still parked where it had been earlier and Igor was standing near it talking to a girl. We hugged hello when he saw me. Then Oleg walked by and gave me another nice hello hug, and Igor said something in Russian to Oleg…I understood three words, mostly because they were in English: "Kayt" and "guest list," (thanks, again, guys!!) which made me very happy because, for one thing, the line to get in was very long. That fact made me happy too, once I was in the door, because it was great to see so many people lining up to see Our Favorite Band.

The Justice League is a large square box-shaped club with a long bar in the middle, some tables and chairs along the sides behind low walls and a high stage at one end. Nothing fancy (hey, it does have a coat check!) but still a pretty cool place. I looked around, got a beer and hung out, talking and drinking with Phelan and Zhenya. Soon our Fearless Leader, Ealasaid, arrived with Rachel and their friend Jen. It was great to see them again. We soon went to claim some spots right in front of the stage, knowing that once the very talented local band The Phenomenauts hit the stage we might not be able to get up there. I hadn’t had the pleasure of seeing The Phenomenauts play before, having only heard about them and seen them in Oleg’s road pictures. They were very entertaining and, as I told one of them later, the best band I’ve ever seen open for the Elvises. They had everybody rocking with their fun songs. They have a pretty cool vehicle too.

Once The Phenomenauts finished their set and the stage was being set up for our headliners, excitement rose higher and we got ready to boogie. I found out I wasn’t the only freak who had taken a Red Road Trip for this show; I recognized a guy behind me who I’ve seen at L.A. area shows before and he admitted to driving up to see them. Let the party begin!

The guys took the stage and gave us another amazing and fantastic show, often standing on the very front extension of the stage, which was made up of a row of tall black wooden box-type things and was a little higher than the actual stage itself, to play right above our upturned faces. Some of the girls in front, and I’m not mentioning any names – mostly because I only know the names of the three aforementioned girls I was hanging with and I’m not saying they did it, but anyway… -- some of the girls there reached up and touched the bandmembers’ legs like kids in a candy store…imagining that the candy was up on a high counter for the touching, that is, and as if people did caress candy that way instead of just eating it. Well, you know what I mean, I’m sure. Jen’s fingers were used by Zhenya to strum his guitar several times. We took lots of pictures, danced and sang along at times with the songs. (Psst! Here’s the part where you tell what songs they played… Ack! Did I forget to take notes again? Well, that’s what a Heineken and three vodka drinks will do…I’ll wing it!) They played a lot of songs…you know the ones…(Kayt looks sheepish here, wracking brain….wracking brain…) Umm, "Spacecowboy," "San Antone," Million Miles," "200 Flying Girls," I think, "Who’s Your Daddy," "Scorchi Chornie," "Telephone Call From Istanbul," a kinda fast "Sad Cowboy Song" and many many many more.

One thing I can’t forget is that we were also treated to some new songs! Although I don’t remember now which set they were in, they were all terrific and I hope we can look forward to seeing them on a future CD. Igor sang one I may or may not have heard before ("Pina Colada?" – maybe), and Zhenya sang lead on three of his brand new ones: "Sunshine," "Long Way Home" and "Superman." After the show I heard someone asking Oleg about "Long Way Home," but that guy, like the rest of us, will have to wait a little while for a recorded version.

The first set ended traditionally with "I Wanna See You Belly Dance" as some girls were pulled up onto the chest-high (to someone 5’4" or so) stage by Igor and were given additional assistance to get up there by an unknown dude who apparently likes lifting girls up onto stages. The guys played brilliantly with lots of energy. The girls danced and shook everything they had with lots of enthusiasm. The stage was big enough to hold it all.

The second set contained some special surprises in addition to the fantastic music and high energy. Like I said earlier…there must be something about The Justice League that inspires these guys to take off their clothes…and no one was complaining…well, no girls were, anyway. I’m not sure at what point Zhenya discarded his shirt, but that ended up being all he took off. That’s okay though, he was wearing cool pants and the girls loved seeing him shirtless.

When they began "Sex in Paradise" Oleg and Zhenya were alone onstage at first…but soon Igor returned and started singing the song…and taking off his shirt. Here’s where it gets even more interesting: he had, quickly, apparently, put on a white lacy bra under his shirt, to make us all laugh. Tra la la la BRA! Take a quick look at the pictures…go on, I’ll wait… See? Very funny! What was even funnier was watching him take the bra off; it was obvious this is something he doesn’t do all the time (what a relief, huh?!), because he tried to take it off over his head. As any girl can tell you, that is not the way to remove even the peskiest bra. But I suppose unfastening the hooks with one hand is much easier for a guy to do when the bra is on a girl than when it’s on himself. Anyway, somewhere in all that fun, Igor took off his pants, giving us a view once again of his flame-edged white-with-black-spots boxers, last seen in public (of the shows I’ve seen) at Rusty’s Surf Ranch in Santa Monica last November. The crowd went wild.

By the end of the second set we also saw Oleg shirtless and playing bass with a tied-together string of ladies’ underwear draped in a long line across his and Zhenya’s shoulders. Oleg also modeled a pair of red undies with "I love Red Elvises" written on them, wearing them over his pants, which is the recommended way to wear ladies’ undies if you’re a fun loving rock ‘n roll guy trying to make all the girls in the audience smile. After everyone laughed and drank and danced and then screamed for another song, they played the Romeo and Juliet song and we sang along to the chorus, "Juliet, ooh ooh, where the fuck are you?" and then of course screamed for more. But that was the end and we were happy either way because we had had so much fun.

After the show Ealasaid, Rachel, Jen and I hung out and talked to the guys some more, took some more pictures and mellowed out a little. Although I am spoiled and do get to see the band quite a lot due to living in L.A., I don’t often get to see Ealasaid or Phelan, so seeing them added to the sweet treat of getting to see the band play in a different city in a club I’d never been to before. It was a great night, the best fun you can have at any concert, in my opinion. If you’ve seen Red Elvises play live you know what I mean, and if you haven’t and they’re coming to do a show anywhere within several hundred miles of you, find a way to go see them and you will be glad you did! You may want to lock up your ladies’ underwear though, you never know what the these guys might do with that!